My hubby has been gone for one week to BMT. Last week... *sigh* lets just say it was a bad week and leave it at that. As much I believed I was ready for him to be gone, I was not!!
On a good note... I lost exactly 5 pounds last week!! Yes my weigh in day is on a Tuesday. Didn't plan it that way, it just happened. Basically I just didn't eat very much. When I did, it was much more healthy and very small portion. I never felt hungry. I had to force myself to eat. I also worked out a little. I started the last chance workout dvd on Friday and also bought Zumba dance for the kinect. Both are intense and fun but damn... Zumba made me realize just how out of shape I truly am!!
I really want to turn things around this week and not be quick to cry (I did too much of that last week). I am going to buy a big thing of flour today and try to bake this week. My food is almost always affected by my mood so hopefully everything will turn out ok. I have a few different pie fillings I need to use up so there will plenty of pie!!
Also on my list for this week is to finish a drawing. Yes just one. One that I can look at and be happy about. I think having small weekly goals like this will help me keep my mind off things and hopefully make these next 8 weeks go by more quickly.
What do you do help time move more quickly?? Any suggestions for baking and/or drawing??
Tuesday, February 21, 2012
Tuesday, February 14, 2012
New Chapter
The time is finally here. My husband left yesterday morning for Air Force Basic Training. I am so very proud of him. I promised him I would stay strong and not be a negative burden. I would not focus on the negative and stay positive because this is such a wonderful thing. He has wanted this ever since high school and we have fought very hard over the last year to finally reach this point!!
But then why does today seem so wrong to me. Why does it feel like the world should stop. I feel lost without him and I'm scared of not being strong enough for this. I realize how much he truly is my other half. I'm incomplete without him. Little insignificant moments, like just seeing the snow melt, makes me break down because he isn't here to share it with me.
I am thankful that my daughter is too young to really understand whats going on. She doesn't understand that Daddy isn't going to be around for a long time. I've told her Daddy is away training for his new job and she just accepts it. She still asks where he is and wants him but it hasn't hit her yet.
Even though I am terrified of my own limitations, I do hope and pray for strength. I have to be strong... I have a 3 year old who depends on me to be solid. I don't want her to worry and wonder why mommy seems so sad. I am determined to not let my sadness be seen. Yes, I can write them here in hopes that someone can tell me "I've been there and this helped me" but I will not let her be affected by this...
I know I kinda go back and forth on how I am feeling and it probably seems confusing on what exactly I am saying but that is due to be so confused myself today. One moment I want to cry my eyes out and the next moment, I feel I can hold my head high... I'm not sure... Just kinda blah today...
So until I can compose my thoughts into something a bit more cohesive...
Til anon my friends
But then why does today seem so wrong to me. Why does it feel like the world should stop. I feel lost without him and I'm scared of not being strong enough for this. I realize how much he truly is my other half. I'm incomplete without him. Little insignificant moments, like just seeing the snow melt, makes me break down because he isn't here to share it with me.
I am thankful that my daughter is too young to really understand whats going on. She doesn't understand that Daddy isn't going to be around for a long time. I've told her Daddy is away training for his new job and she just accepts it. She still asks where he is and wants him but it hasn't hit her yet.
Even though I am terrified of my own limitations, I do hope and pray for strength. I have to be strong... I have a 3 year old who depends on me to be solid. I don't want her to worry and wonder why mommy seems so sad. I am determined to not let my sadness be seen. Yes, I can write them here in hopes that someone can tell me "I've been there and this helped me" but I will not let her be affected by this...
I know I kinda go back and forth on how I am feeling and it probably seems confusing on what exactly I am saying but that is due to be so confused myself today. One moment I want to cry my eyes out and the next moment, I feel I can hold my head high... I'm not sure... Just kinda blah today...
So until I can compose my thoughts into something a bit more cohesive...
Til anon my friends
Monday, January 23, 2012
Baby plans
It is no secret that I am ready for another baby. When that biological clock ticks its hard to ignore. My husband says he is ready to an extent. He does want a kid but there are certain things that wont allow us to right now.
This biggest reason is the military. Because my husband is still in the DEP (delayed entry program) he isn't considered fully in yet. From what I understand from the recruiter, they are looking for pretty much any reason to disqualify applicants because there are so many people trying (and already in) the air force. One child is allowed but if we got pregnant before he was in, there would be a very good chance he would be disqualified. There would be a lot of paper work and higher ups would have to approve of it.
As you all know, we live with my dad and that is another reason why we are waiting. We want to be on a base and settled down before our next child.
The hardest part for me is the waiting. My daughter is already 3 years old. I never wanted a big gap between the ages...
The time line we are looking at right now is (hopefully) on a base by the end of the year. In my mind, start planning to try and get pregnant early to mid 2013. With that in mind, I plan on spending this year focusing on my health and having my body ready to be pregnant. Mainly, my weight. I still haven't dropped the weight I gained from my first pregnancy. I have to admit, I haven't really taken an aggressive route with that though. I have been eating better so I have lost some weight but not nearly what I should. This year, I plan on spending more time being active. This will become much easier as the weather turns nice. I plan on taking many walks with my 3 year old. We also got a Kinect for the 360 and there are many games for that and they are ALL very active. I'm not just talking about the exercise ones either. Aside from that, I also have a few work out DVD's that I honestly enjoy. One being the Biggest Loser Last Chance Workout.
Aside from my weight, I also need to address my anemia. I have been struggling with iron deficiency anemia for about a year and half. It has gotten better over the last few months but I need to get my iron levels up. They are still pretty low. I think one thing that has helped has been my change in diet. I do eat healthier (usually) and I'm always looking for ways to change recipes to be more healthy. I have made small progress with adding more vegetables to my diet and its getting easier. I also hope to incorporate more fish. This will be rather hard for me since I'm not a big fish eater...
I want to better prepare myself for the next pregnancy. With my 3 year old, I didn't even know I was pregnant until I was 5 months along. I wasn't prepared and even though nothing went wrong, I want to do better this time. I know that as a starter, I need to focus on more folic acid. One easy thing my doctor suggested is having a glass of 100% orange juice, either store bought or freshly squeezed. It may not give me my full daily amount but it will be a good habit to get into to guarantee that I am at least getting some! The other thing is to get a really good multi vitamin that contains folic acid.
I truly hope that with getting these things under control and taking steps to be better prepared, I will be able to have a wonderful pregnancy, even if it is over a year away ^^
What are your thoughts on being more prepared??
This biggest reason is the military. Because my husband is still in the DEP (delayed entry program) he isn't considered fully in yet. From what I understand from the recruiter, they are looking for pretty much any reason to disqualify applicants because there are so many people trying (and already in) the air force. One child is allowed but if we got pregnant before he was in, there would be a very good chance he would be disqualified. There would be a lot of paper work and higher ups would have to approve of it.
As you all know, we live with my dad and that is another reason why we are waiting. We want to be on a base and settled down before our next child.
The hardest part for me is the waiting. My daughter is already 3 years old. I never wanted a big gap between the ages...
The time line we are looking at right now is (hopefully) on a base by the end of the year. In my mind, start planning to try and get pregnant early to mid 2013. With that in mind, I plan on spending this year focusing on my health and having my body ready to be pregnant. Mainly, my weight. I still haven't dropped the weight I gained from my first pregnancy. I have to admit, I haven't really taken an aggressive route with that though. I have been eating better so I have lost some weight but not nearly what I should. This year, I plan on spending more time being active. This will become much easier as the weather turns nice. I plan on taking many walks with my 3 year old. We also got a Kinect for the 360 and there are many games for that and they are ALL very active. I'm not just talking about the exercise ones either. Aside from that, I also have a few work out DVD's that I honestly enjoy. One being the Biggest Loser Last Chance Workout.
Aside from my weight, I also need to address my anemia. I have been struggling with iron deficiency anemia for about a year and half. It has gotten better over the last few months but I need to get my iron levels up. They are still pretty low. I think one thing that has helped has been my change in diet. I do eat healthier (usually) and I'm always looking for ways to change recipes to be more healthy. I have made small progress with adding more vegetables to my diet and its getting easier. I also hope to incorporate more fish. This will be rather hard for me since I'm not a big fish eater...
I want to better prepare myself for the next pregnancy. With my 3 year old, I didn't even know I was pregnant until I was 5 months along. I wasn't prepared and even though nothing went wrong, I want to do better this time. I know that as a starter, I need to focus on more folic acid. One easy thing my doctor suggested is having a glass of 100% orange juice, either store bought or freshly squeezed. It may not give me my full daily amount but it will be a good habit to get into to guarantee that I am at least getting some! The other thing is to get a really good multi vitamin that contains folic acid.
I truly hope that with getting these things under control and taking steps to be better prepared, I will be able to have a wonderful pregnancy, even if it is over a year away ^^
What are your thoughts on being more prepared??
New happenings at the Bakery
This is something I am very excited about!! My boss has finally taken my advice and is going to start making our cakes from scratch!
My boss is used to having pre made, shipped in frozen cakes. To be honest, they do taste pretty good. But there is nothing you can really do with them as far as flavors. There is no room for experimenting and being more creative. We have both been doing research on popular flavors and taking into consideration seasonal foods. Although we have not finalized some of the more "special" flavors, we do have a pretty good list of flavors. Once we have decided on all flavs I will post about them.
This week begins a very busy few weeks for the bakery. The next 3 weekend have wedding cakes and non are easy or small. This both excites me and frustrates me. I'm excited because it means more time at the bakery but its also frustrating because I have to be at the bakery more when I should be spending more time with my husband before he leaves for basic.
Over the course of the next few months, I do hope to have more time with the Bakery. I truely love my job there and wish I could be there more. Time will only tell on that one though.
Oh and another exciting thing... we are going to start offering fondant cakes. This is unbelievably exciting for me. The designs are limitless with fondant and there are things that can be created that could never be done with buttercream!! I seriously wish I would have done my daughters birthday cake with fondant but I still have no experience with it.
Anyway, enough of the mumbles. New things are happening and I cant wait to dive in headfirst!!
Til anon my friends.
My boss is used to having pre made, shipped in frozen cakes. To be honest, they do taste pretty good. But there is nothing you can really do with them as far as flavors. There is no room for experimenting and being more creative. We have both been doing research on popular flavors and taking into consideration seasonal foods. Although we have not finalized some of the more "special" flavors, we do have a pretty good list of flavors. Once we have decided on all flavs I will post about them.
This week begins a very busy few weeks for the bakery. The next 3 weekend have wedding cakes and non are easy or small. This both excites me and frustrates me. I'm excited because it means more time at the bakery but its also frustrating because I have to be at the bakery more when I should be spending more time with my husband before he leaves for basic.
Over the course of the next few months, I do hope to have more time with the Bakery. I truely love my job there and wish I could be there more. Time will only tell on that one though.
Oh and another exciting thing... we are going to start offering fondant cakes. This is unbelievably exciting for me. The designs are limitless with fondant and there are things that can be created that could never be done with buttercream!! I seriously wish I would have done my daughters birthday cake with fondant but I still have no experience with it.
Anyway, enough of the mumbles. New things are happening and I cant wait to dive in headfirst!!
Til anon my friends.
when did 8 weeks become 21 days??
I honestly can't believe how fast time has flown by. It seems like yesterday I awoke with the thought of "8 weeks and my husband is off to basic". Today I looked at the calender and its 21 days. 21 days!!!!! 21 days til everything changes. I'm not looking forward to being alone but I realize that it doesn't scare me nearly as much as it would have a few years ago.
If I am able to really dive into my work with the bakery I know that I can keep my mind busy enough to not dwell on having my husband gone. The only thing with that is that because of the hours I do have at the bakery (being there at 5 am) I need someone to take my daughter to daycare the days I work. To be honest, I don't know how much help my dad is willing to give. So that is a big uncertainty in the future.
One thing IS for sure, time is not my friend. My wonderful husband will soon be leaving to enter the air force. The other thing is that because there are only 21 days until he leaves, that means there are only 21 days left to get the adoption into court! Yes it could wait until he returns but no one wants that! This adoption was supposed to have been finalized back in November!! My lawyer has known since then what day Adam was going to the service so needless to say I'm rather pissed at my lawyer for taking so f****** long.
Enough of the negative though... I am happy about this next chapter in our lives. I am excited about the new opportunities this will open.
If I am able to really dive into my work with the bakery I know that I can keep my mind busy enough to not dwell on having my husband gone. The only thing with that is that because of the hours I do have at the bakery (being there at 5 am) I need someone to take my daughter to daycare the days I work. To be honest, I don't know how much help my dad is willing to give. So that is a big uncertainty in the future.
One thing IS for sure, time is not my friend. My wonderful husband will soon be leaving to enter the air force. The other thing is that because there are only 21 days until he leaves, that means there are only 21 days left to get the adoption into court! Yes it could wait until he returns but no one wants that! This adoption was supposed to have been finalized back in November!! My lawyer has known since then what day Adam was going to the service so needless to say I'm rather pissed at my lawyer for taking so f****** long.
Enough of the negative though... I am happy about this next chapter in our lives. I am excited about the new opportunities this will open.
Thursday, January 12, 2012
How do I not care???
First post of the year and it's a rant. Not exactly how I wanted to start the year but oh well...
This is more or less about my sister.
Before I begin, I don't think I have really talked about my sister much. I still live at home with my dad and he is supposed to have the majority of custody over my little sister. However, dad usually only has her 1 day a week and 1 day every other weekend.
Here is the situation... I spent a lot of money on her last year. I've bought toys, clothes (over $150 on christmas alone), coloring books, and other art things. Other than 1 shirt from christmas, every thing has ended up at her mothers.
This. Pisses. Me. Off!!!
So I ask.. how do I not care so much about this??
The thing about it is... I think I have a pretty good sense of clothes for kids. Am I a fasionista? HELL no!! But I know the difference between sending a kid to school looking nice compared to looking like a hobo. The clothes I buy for my sister (and my own kid for that matter) are always nice. I'm not saying I always buy new, there are wonderful clothes that can be found out a thrift store but at least they LOOK nice.
So all of the nice clothes I spend MY money on end up being in her closet at her mom's and we are sent her hobo clothes.
So it's either dress her nice and never see those clothes again, or dress her like a hobo to be sent back to her mom and keep the nice things for only when we know she stays here. It sucks being like that.
Again... How am I supposed to not care....
I ask dad about it and his take on the whole thing is "at least they are getting used". Well that's all fine but if that's the case, why does she look like a hobo when she comes home from her moms? Why does she get sent to us looking like her clothes are second hand rejects??
I hate that I get so worked up about this. I have tried to not care, but ever time I just get more and more pissed off. ugh... F***!!!!!
This is more or less about my sister.
Before I begin, I don't think I have really talked about my sister much. I still live at home with my dad and he is supposed to have the majority of custody over my little sister. However, dad usually only has her 1 day a week and 1 day every other weekend.
Here is the situation... I spent a lot of money on her last year. I've bought toys, clothes (over $150 on christmas alone), coloring books, and other art things. Other than 1 shirt from christmas, every thing has ended up at her mothers.
This. Pisses. Me. Off!!!
So I ask.. how do I not care so much about this??
The thing about it is... I think I have a pretty good sense of clothes for kids. Am I a fasionista? HELL no!! But I know the difference between sending a kid to school looking nice compared to looking like a hobo. The clothes I buy for my sister (and my own kid for that matter) are always nice. I'm not saying I always buy new, there are wonderful clothes that can be found out a thrift store but at least they LOOK nice.
So all of the nice clothes I spend MY money on end up being in her closet at her mom's and we are sent her hobo clothes.
So it's either dress her nice and never see those clothes again, or dress her like a hobo to be sent back to her mom and keep the nice things for only when we know she stays here. It sucks being like that.
Again... How am I supposed to not care....
I ask dad about it and his take on the whole thing is "at least they are getting used". Well that's all fine but if that's the case, why does she look like a hobo when she comes home from her moms? Why does she get sent to us looking like her clothes are second hand rejects??
I hate that I get so worked up about this. I have tried to not care, but ever time I just get more and more pissed off. ugh... F***!!!!!
Tuesday, December 20, 2011
cake dump
There aren't as many photo's to show this time but still wanted to share.
This was so fun to make!! It was for a lil girl turning 1. The tracks continue on the back as well.
The bakery has been trying to do more with cupcakes. This one didn't go over so great with the boss but I still love them!!
Made this the other day as a start to the christmas season. The topper is a candle and the side thingy is a non-edible lay on.
This is a cupcake. Yes, a cupcake. This was purely an experiment to see if I could make a poinsettia. It went over so well that a customer ordered 2 dozen.
I am not overly proud of this cake. There are things about it that seriously get under my skin because of the imperfections.! However, the customer was overly ecstatic about it and that's really the most important thing.
This was the big project of the week. A winter wedding cake. I'm very pleased with how this turned out. The flowers and holly are made of gum paste.
As always, I am learning new things all the time and trying to grow in my medium.
Til anon!
This was the big project of the week. A winter wedding cake. I'm very pleased with how this turned out. The flowers and holly are made of gum paste.
As always, I am learning new things all the time and trying to grow in my medium.
Til anon!
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