The time is finally here. My husband left yesterday morning for Air Force Basic Training. I am so very proud of him. I promised him I would stay strong and not be a negative burden. I would not focus on the negative and stay positive because this is such a wonderful thing. He has wanted this ever since high school and we have fought very hard over the last year to finally reach this point!!
But then why does today seem so wrong to me. Why does it feel like the world should stop. I feel lost without him and I'm scared of not being strong enough for this. I realize how much he truly is my other half. I'm incomplete without him. Little insignificant moments, like just seeing the snow melt, makes me break down because he isn't here to share it with me.
I am thankful that my daughter is too young to really understand whats going on. She doesn't understand that Daddy isn't going to be around for a long time. I've told her Daddy is away training for his new job and she just accepts it. She still asks where he is and wants him but it hasn't hit her yet.
Even though I am terrified of my own limitations, I do hope and pray for strength. I have to be strong... I have a 3 year old who depends on me to be solid. I don't want her to worry and wonder why mommy seems so sad. I am determined to not let my sadness be seen. Yes, I can write them here in hopes that someone can tell me "I've been there and this helped me" but I will not let her be affected by this...
I know I kinda go back and forth on how I am feeling and it probably seems confusing on what exactly I am saying but that is due to be so confused myself today. One moment I want to cry my eyes out and the next moment, I feel I can hold my head high... I'm not sure... Just kinda blah today...
So until I can compose my thoughts into something a bit more cohesive...
Til anon my friends
No comments:
Post a Comment