Love Affair

Yes... I am in the midst of a love affair... there I said it...

Oh... I guess I should mention Im having an affair with food!!
Confused?? Good...
It's no secret I enjoy food. If I didn't, I wouldnt still be holding on to all my pregnancy weight from 2 YEARS AGO!!.... anyway...
 There is nothing wrong with having a relationship with food. You kinda need it to survive... But there are days that its goes beyond the need of sustenance.

I realized its a problem when I'm sneaking food so that no one knows I'm having it. It's not always a daily struggle but lately I know I have gotten worse. For the record, I refuse to buy little debbie snack foods. I havent bought them in over a year because I know I have almost no self control when it comes to food. So I abide by "out of sight out of mind" if its not in the house, i wont eat it!! The problem comes when someone else buys them... I mean i seriously have NO control.... it was having them in the house that i realized i do have a food problem... It goes beyond just snacking... I literally hide all evidence of ever having it. For starters, I will only eat them if my daughter is awake (and i do share) or sister is around (easy scapegoat). I split it with my daughter but if its my sister, she gets one and i wait til she is out the kitchen to get mine. I only eat where no one can see (sadly admitting to eating in the bathroom) and I usually hide the wrapper in a papertowel so no one will see it in the trash.
Thats just the snack cakes...
When i make chocolate chip cookies, I always make sure there is extra chocolate so I can make sure I can have a hand full... or 3.... 
I do admit that I'm a lot better with having my meals planned out! It really helps me focus and knowing that I;m trying to keep my husband on portion controls, it helps me not eat so much. But as soon as I finish, half the time I only think about desserts!
I even dream in chocolate!! No seriously!! Last night's dream was everything was made of chocolate. even me! It was weird...

I daydream about the next type of dessert I plan on making, from the brownies with powdered sugar art to the amazing cakes i have inside my head!

I do feel insanely guilty every time i partake in my forbidden endeavors, but i still have no self control. So maybe there is hope...